S*** my Abuelita says:

“Your elbows look dirty! Go soak them in lemon halves!”

“Put cream on your face! Upward motions! You’ll get wrinkles if you do it the other way!”

“Take care of your skin. Don’t play in the sun so much! You’re getting dark again!”

“Sit up straight. What are you a hunchback?”

“No elbows on the table!”

“Do you have a boyfriend? No? Don’t end up like your cousin. Alone and probably a lesbian.”

“Don’t marry anyone Black or from El Salvador.”

“What job do you have? You work with kids? Does that pay well?”

“What are you going to do with your major? What is literary journalism anyways? Are you going to report news?”

“Fix your hair. How are you supposed to attract anyone when you don’t comb and style your hair?”

“You should wear some makeup, you’d be so pretty.”

“Nevermind, I’ll do it!”